gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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