Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize