I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
