so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
