I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
