My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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