Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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