it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
