someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
