Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
