drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
