Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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