I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
