then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
