we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
