"it" just moved
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
