That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
did you just send me my own nude
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
