So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize