Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
handjob tips. give me some.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
