I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
