No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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