Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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