I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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