Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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