I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
