that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
