i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
a search helicopter?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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