six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
