party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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