Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
