seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
