I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
