I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
