We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
