hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
