I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
