Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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