I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
