Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
