i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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