We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
