Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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