I think my fart just growled at me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
