Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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