margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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