I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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