On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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