My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
