She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize