K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize