Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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