Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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