We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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