I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
