i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize