I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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