my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize