no. you can't hotbox the world.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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