Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
