i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
be right there i have to get my cape
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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