You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think i scared a bird with my dick
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
