Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
