She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
