Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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