Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
