that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
