I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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