2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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