The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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