Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize