Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize