I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
