Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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