If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
