Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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