things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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