kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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