you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
