Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
