well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
