can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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