I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
