Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
