I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
