he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
