toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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