You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
