I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
