Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize