This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
