Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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