her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
