Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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